Things are okay. Not great, not awful. Just in the middle. I've been living the last year and a half in a weird kind of limbo. Instead of having my husband here in person, I live with his memories and just a voice on the other end of the phone that calls every 3 or 4 weeks.

It's a strange sort of life. And very depressing.

I worry about all sorts of things now that I never worried about before. We had so many issues up until the pregnancy that I swore we weren't going to make it and I wasn't really worried about that. I was just at the point to throw my hands up and walk away. But once I got pregnant with our daughter things changed and we got back into that place we hadn't been in in years.

I totally fell head over heels in love again. The time the military took from us made the heart grow fonder and the excitement over the pregnancy and the promise of a new bouncing baby helped us find that connection we thought was lost.

Now, I'm worried. Will we have anything in common? Will there still be an attraction? Will there be a spark? I admit, my breastfeeding hormones have completely KILLED my sex drive so when I think about my husband during the day, it's never a hormone-filled, sexy thought- it's more the cuddling variety. And that worries me too. When he comes home will I even want to do the deed?

I have a lot of fears thinking about his return which will be here in 2 months. I supposed I have 2 months to prepare and 2 months to hope my sex drive returns. Sex was one of the biggest aspects of our relationship but not having it with him since basically July 2010, we've filled the spaces with other things. I think that's why we were able to reconnect so deeply... but having him home? Sex is kind of required and I'm scared. Will I even enjoy it? Will it be like having sex with a stranger? Awkward?

There's a lot to think about and a lot to prepare for, mentally and physically. I hope 2 months time is enough because once he's home, he's home. I want the homecoming to be as wonderful as it has the potential to be but there's that nagging voice in my head that keeps telling me I'll just make a mess of it. Why can't that voice just shut the Hell up?