I didn't think we were going to make it, some days I still doubt myself. Yet, we're having sex and we even seem to be enjoying ourselves.

In between the charting, injections, pill popping, and constant negatives- we still have the hots for each other.

My sex life isn't perfect though, I've had some incredibly tumultuous months. I thought it was because my husband was cheating on me or lost that loving feeling, but come to find out, it was because of the stress of trying to get pregnant and the constant stream of it never happening.

  • Number of women ages 15-44 with impaired fecundity (impaired ability to have children): 7.3 million
  • Percent of women ages 15-44 with impaired fecundity: 11.8%
  • Number of married women ages 15-44 that are infertile (unable to get pregnant for at least 12 consecutive months): 2.1 million
  • Percent of married women ages 15-44 that are infertile: 7.4%
  • Number of women ages 15-44 who have ever used infertility services: 7.3 million
According to the cdc.gov, I am not alone. I'm among millions of others who can't get pregnant and in 4 months, we'll finally hit the 4 year mark.

My sex life has seen some disastrously dark times because my husband and I were incapable of coming to grips with our situation. We went through a miscarriage, all the shit and pain due to endometriosis, months of me throwing up and having to go to the ER, crying, grief, frustration, anger- and all the while, our sex life suffered. All the while, we missed our mark and couldn't quite sync up.

We had our months though, where all we did was have sex. However, the focus was on getting pregnant- it was never with the intent to make love but the intent to make a baby. We lost the passion, there wasn't any sensuality, it was like 2 robots trying to mechanize the conception of a child.

But now, we finally understand. We aren't trying to fool ourselves, we aren't trying to have the only goal be getting pregnant, we've made the promise that it's about the journey we take together as opposed to the destination that we finally arrive at.

My appointment is June 11 (I thought it was the 10th), we'll be discussing options and more in depth treatment. I have my fingers crossed for IUI but I'm nervous for how much out of pocket we'll have to pay.

If you suffer from infertility, get yourself a good doctor that helps you understand the difficulty you're about to face and the pain you're about to go through. A doctor that reminds you that SEX is still a requirement for kids and that you need to enjoy yourself in the process. If you forget about pleasing yourself and pleasing your spouse than you'll be miserable and your sex life will never be a happy one!

My tips:

FOREPLAY, this is a must. If you want to connect with each other and have a good time, you need to do this. I understand busy schedules and lack of time, but how will you have time for a child if you don't have time for each other?

Crazy sex. Crazy sex is STILL possible even if you're trying to get pregnant. You can do it in any position and end in your favorite. Mix it up, fuck standing up, get creative. And have sex where you normally wouldn't! You need some spice to keep things from getting bland.

Dirty texts or voicemails. Keep the mystery alive, we all know what you're doing and why but remind each other that you're still highly sexual beings that get horny for one another. Take a few snapshots of your crotch in the bathroom at work and send them to each other. There's nothing like thinking about your spouse all day and then finally getting home to rip their clothes off and do it!

Fun. FUN. FUN. FUN!!!!!!! You need to keep things fresh and fun, and what you do doesn't have to border on "crazy sex"; it can include role playing, a new toy, or the fact you do something that makes you both laugh. You can still be mild and have fun at the same time. And fun needs to be outside of the bedroom too. Do couples things, whatever you two can do to bring yourselves closer to one another. Bowling, movies, online games, don't ever stop having fun with each other. Once you stop laughing together, you can pretty much kiss your relationship goodbye.

Don't have sex to make a baby, have sex to have sex with the result possibly being the conception of a child. If you go at it like a job it will become a job and you'll soon resent your coworker. It takes two, without that other person you'd be shit out of luck and the goal of having kids is to be parentS. You need to appreciate your spouse and remind them that you love them. Love is the common theme here, do whatever you can to STAY IN LOVE and let your spouse know that your world starts and ends with the love you have for them and the love they have for you.