We fought today, we fight a lot lately and I thought we would have somehow resolved some of the issues plaguing us but obviously, we haven't... and there are more issues there than I thought.

What prompted me giving him the silent treatment and him slamming the bedroom door? He came after a few minutes of sex and did little to restrain himself. I shouldn't get mad at him over that but I just can't help it.. it's the same thing over and over. If I want to get off, I have to roll over and let him manually stimulate me or use one of my toys on me- but GODDAMN IT, I want to cum while he's still inside of me. I try, it's not like I don't try. I lay there or kneel there, or whatever damn position we're in, I'll try my hardest to get off. It's like he's unappreciative of how hard I try and he figures it just won't happen (he gives me 5 minutes) and then he'll cum and say it was an accident... but I know him, he just wants to get it over with.

What's happened to us? Why does our sex life suck so much lately? His stress levels have been reduced by going to a normal schedule, I'll be starting a new job within the next week, and things have just been easier all around for him. I don't put any sort of pressures on him.. except when it comes to sex. I want it OFTEN, I let him go months where I didn't hound him for sex but now I just want it all the time even though I don't ask him all the time for it. Usually, every time we have it, it's a huge disappointment and not just in my eyes. I am very unsatisfied with my sex life, lack thereof, and the quality of it.

Having an orgasm after sex by his hand or with a toy, isn't what I want. I can do that when I'm alone- being with him and cumming while he's inside of me, that's something that I can't do without him and it's like he's subconsciously denying me the one thing that I want from him and can't get without him. It frustrates the hell out of me, like he's purposely mindfucking me. He very well may be and he very well may not be but right now, I'm sensitive and I want what I want. I never get what I want, I always have to bend my will for other people, and as of late, I have yet to see someone (that someone as in DH) bend their will for me.

I don't know where our lines of communication went or where that solid relationship disappeared to. What I do know is that things need to change. Maybe I should put less pressure on him to have sex with me every once in a while (hear that sarcasm?). The premature ejaculation after not even 5 minutes of sex is getting ridiculous, he used to have stamina so it's not like this has been an ongoing problem for the past 6 years or that I'm just a major bitch. I've let him work through his issues and cum before me but now I'm getting tired of it. He's incredibly selfish in bed and lately, doesn't even want to try to work me up before sex.

Maybe we just really need a vacation. We haven't had a vacation in over 3 years, we're getting desperate. I haven't been alone with him in 3 years. We haven't spent the night away in 3 years. That's a fucking LONG time. Our anniversary is next month and guess what? We don't even get to celebrate it alone. Maybe all the pressure of having a child and trying to have another is finally getting to him but he needs to step up because it's not just him, it's me too... this is my life too, we're supposed to share it together and be partners- equal. So please, DH, if you read this- let me cum before you for once, make a little sacrifice for me, PLEASE... because I'm cracking under pressure TOO.

Without this blog I'd probably be in therapy. I don't know if that's such a bad thing.

* DH: Dear Husband