Having kids means the acceptance of probably, maybe, never, never ever having carefree, wild sex again. Now, TRYING to have kids means the acceptance that carefree, wild sex is the last thing that will ever be on your mind until you get pregnant or long after... because once you get pregnant you want to stay pregnant. You're about to spend the next 9 months of your life living in a bubble- and there's no way any dick is going to try and come (cum) and pop it.

TTC (trying to conceive) is not an art; it's a planned, charted, measured, preprogrammed sexual science. I can't remember the last time I had some good, honest, dirty fun with my husband. He is not "husband" but "sperm donor" and his penis is the instrument in which I will get pregnant. I might as well wear latex gloves in the bedroom, everything has started to feel so medical. There is no carefree sex, everything is scheduled. This date when my basal temp is this high, when he hasn't masturbated in so many hours, when everything is at the ready.

You spend so long trying so hard to have a baby that it's easy to lose sight of what a romantic, involved, intimate relationship is. Our 4 y/o was created out of 25% love and 75% early 20's hormones. We didn't even have to blink our eyes and there was the positive on the pregnancy stick. Now it's been over 2 years and every test has said "no". Well, not every test but that's a blog for another day.

There isn't a lot of kissing or hugging when we go at it. In fact, it's a strip off your clothes, lay down on the bed, and assume the position for manual insemination. There's nothing to get wrapped up in and the only drama is when I cry because another month has come and gone and I'm not pregnant.

Valentine's Day there's going to be some change. I refuse to elevate my legs after sex, I will get caught up in the moment, and we will be doing crazy, funky positions that may make it impossible for his sperm to have a straight shot to my cervix. I'm starting to realize that our good old fashioned trying and planning methods aren't working. I don't want to go down the route of IUI, I haven't exhausted all my options and it's so costly (not to say a baby isn't worth it!).. but I'm wondering if for now I should shelf the dream, just for a little while? I have to admit, trying to get pregnant is stress on top of stress. I'm also starting to realize that right now may not be the right time. In 6 months we'll be snuggled in Nashville and out of this coastal town for good. Maybe, I should stop and enjoy the time I have left here? Smell the sexual roses for once? Then once we get settled into our new lives become the nervous, emotional wreck I once was?