Might as well get it out of your system now. Admit it, "fart" is still funny to you, you crack up a little or a sly smile slides across your face when you think about the word or think about someone performing the action. It brings back memories of junior high where you couldn't help but laugh at the poor unfortunate who ended up farting infront of the entire class, where you sat smugly in your seat laughing.. perhaps you were the unfortunate and the memories still haunt you to this day.

EVERYONE FARTS, and sooner or later everyone will fart during sex. It's unavoidable, when there's thrusting going on as well as stomach crunching you're going to pass gas. The question is, how will you handle it?

So you're there and you just farted. Are you embarrassed? Is your partner someone who finds it a complete turn off because you've just ruined your image of a sexual God or Goddess? Or can they roll with the punches?

If you're with someone who finds it offensive you have to find some way to recover. Blame it on the mattress, blame it on a frog, blame it on whatever else you can that doesn't directly link it to yourself. If it's a silent but deadly one blame it on an open window, a roommate who cooks "ethnic food", or a gas leak in the apartment building. It's really not that hard to get away with, you just need to have a plan before it happens. Prepare yourself for the moment, if you have a pet all the better because you can blame it on your lazy dog or curious cat.

Before sex even happens consider what you're going to eat at lunch or dinner. Don't pick foods that you know don't agree with you, if you make a beeline straight for the re-fried beans and greasy, cheese covered meats, chances are you're going to fart. If you have no other options than to pick something that gives you an upset stomach, try to bring along Imodium with you. If you're at a new restaurant play it safe, stick with what you know and eat light. If they decide to pick Indian or Thai, stick to veggies and carbonated water. If they mention something beforehand about trying cuisine you're unfamiliar with but know could potentially be dangerous to your digestive system- fake an allergy. Be considerate of your date, you don't want to gas them out on the drive back to your house or send the poor person screaming from your bedroom because the stench of your fart makes them literally want to vomit.

If you gotta fart and you're in the position where you can leave the room- DO IT! Make an excuse- oh you forget a condom? Head right into the bathroom and let one rip while you grab one. Oh, your phone is in the other room and you're on call? Run up off that couch or outta that bed and just let loose. Even pretend you hear something outside, is it a burglar? Go check! Keep some ideas in your mind of where you can go and what you can say to fart in peace.

In new relationships you always worry about the problematic human body that can ruin a first date or the first time you have sex. Even after years of marriage you may have been able to keep the mystery alive by not subjecting your spouse to the stench that is you (highly doubtful). Remember to always keep a sense of humor, it's an embarrassing situation and truth be told, EVERYONE FARTS. If your poor partner accidentally lets one go, be kind, make a quick joke or just ignore it completely- just be happy that someone is with you, that you finally got lucky enough to trick someone into having sex with you. If you're the odoriferous offender, be kind to them and stifle it, do it in another room, or have the decency to blame it on their poor cat.