Sometimes in a relationship when you use an overabundance of toys, sex can really start to lose it's meaning.

There are days I love fucking. Days when all I think about is having my clothes ripped off my body, my husband's sweaty hands hoisting my bare ass up on the kitchen counter and his face finding it's way between my legs as his tongue probes the warm, wet folds of my vagina. Where he takes me in the bedroom on my knees with a paddle in hand, spanking my ass hard with every thrust. Fucking, like the kind where he pounds me against the wall of the shower as the steam fills my senses and hazes over my eyes... Just straight up man on woman fucking.

It seems though, with our inclusion of toys we've done more fucking than making love. Maybe it's the fact we've finally recharged our batteries, literally and figuratively. Toys really take out the guesswork and all the hard work. I assume the position on the bed with my ass raised high, we attach our gadgets and go at it. Sometimes it's hard to hear each other's grunts and moans through high powered buzzing. Sometimes it feels like we're not even engaged in that sacred act of sensual pleasure, we become totally detached and instead of focusing on each other, we're focusing on ourselves.

Yes, there are days I love fucking, but there are days I love making love. Truth be told, it's hard to find the time. My husband and I have such busy schedules that we actually PLAN when we're going to have sex, we've even had to pencil in time for each other on more than one occasion. A relationship should never get to that point.

I remember the first time we made love, I had a mixed CD with tunes like "Crash Into Me", and a few songs from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack.... hell, there was even "Lady in Red" for those moments when I knew we'd be too out of it to care what was playing. He gently stripped my clothes off my body and threw his to the floor beside the bed. We nestled between the blankets and his hand slipped under the back of my neck pulling my mouth tenderly towards his. Our kissing was long and deep, we were consumed with one another. However cheesy as it sounds, it was the most romantic experience of my life and we both exchanged our first "I love you's". I always swore if you say "I love you" during sex it doesn't count, but it wasn't sex, it was the first time I had ever made love.

I look longingly back on those times and I wonder what changed along the way. How did we go from two love struck kids to busy, boring adults? I'm happy to say that no matter how many times you lose touch with the sap you once were, you can always find it again and here are a few of my tips on how:

A massage. How predictable, right? It has more meaning than what most people think, it shows you really care for your partner and you want to take care of their needs. Not only does it relax the body but it relaxes the senses. I prefer 1001 nights lavender love oil. Every time my husband pops open the cap it stimulates my memories of previous use and I fall into a sort of trance. The smell of the lavender triggers my brain to stop thinking and I get the same physical reaction to his hands on my body every time.

Champagne, candles, and rose petals. Nothing screams romance more. I remember when my husband and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary at this amazing first class hotel in Maine. The seaside was beautiful but the service was even better. The concierge brought up a bottle of champagne and cheeses and we laid in bed together all night feeding each other and getting insanely drunk. We later carried the morning over into the bathroom, where we laid together in the jacuzzi with soft music playing and tea lights burning on every available surface. The floors were covered with gorgeous silk petals and I'll never forget the way it felt to walk across them. I can easily recreate that night any time with the Enchanted Evening kit.

And easiest of all, A Kiss. That's what lacks the most when we have sex now. I can't remember the last time we kissed, it seems like unnecessary and time consuming foreplay. Our first year together our lips were always locked together, we were physically unable to pry ourselves away from each other. We'd sit or lay for hours together just kissing, of course leading to more than just. There was nothing as sensual than the feel of his soft lips brushing against mine, his tongue melting into my mouth and his tongue dancing with mine. While there really isn't anything out there than can recreate the feeling of two impassioned lovers lip locked with one another, there is a book that touches upon the sensitive and sensuality of kissing. 101 Nights of Grrreat Romance with a section on 101 different ways to kiss your lover.

If you've lost touch with one another, don't be afraid to go back to the beginning. The best place to find what has been lost is to retrace your steps. Good luck!