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Thursday, September 26, 2013

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Holy shit. Has it really been a year since I've posted? There's something wrong with that.

How are you all? I'm doing alright. Aright indeed. Certain events are currently transpiring making it vital for me to really search for and find my indentity, once again. I'm questing, bitches!

I'm keeping it PG this week, just as I transition back into my blog. A lot has changed since 2008 - or was it 2007 when I started this? Time goes by SO fast. I think I'm going to reread old posts to see how far I've cum.


Friday, March 16, 2012

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Just follow this link. Even though I haven't had time to review doesn't mean you don't have time to shop!!!!

The sex shop I trust- Edenfantasys get 15% off with coupon code 2y3.

Monday, February 13, 2012

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Deployments are over and done and while I'm tied to the lease out of state until the end of March, hubby is flying up to see me in a few days and we will officially be trying for baby #3. I told him I wanted to wait until we bought our house but it's only a month and a few days difference and he's just SO persuasive.

I must be crazy. It was a hard road to have our daughter but the fact we HAD her, takes the pressure off. I'm not in a rush for this baby and I won't be heartbroken with every negative test. In fact, I think I'll enjoy this process a lot more because I now know that I am fertile.. when my body decides to be. Having children is no longer an impossibility. Number 2 took 5 years- number 3 can take just as long, I'm just happy to be rid of the damn silicone diaphragm!

Anyway. Happy Valentine's Day ladies and gents! Enjoy your holiday.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

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My husband will be home in 3 weeks. It's not permanent, it's another 2 week "stop in" before he takes off again. And I'm feeling...... unprepared.

I had hoped my hormones would have returned by now and things evened out but I'll tell ya, I'm dreading sex. I'm so afraid it will be horrible because I can't get in to it. From April till now- I've only masturbated once and it was horrible. I had expected a big "bang" because it had been so long but the orgasm was a let down- I couldn't get in to it. And thinking of him returning and having sex, there is no anticipating build-up, I feel no sexual excitement.

I blame my kids.


My kids mean everything to me. It's funny, I LOATHED Mommy bloggers. They'd post pictures of dildos on pages that shared pictures of their kids. They seemed commercial and fake and the nonstop talking about familyhood--- yawn. I fear I will become a Mommy blogger. I fear my little monsters will consume my every thought so that any other parts of myself will become erased.

Over the past few months I've changed. I've become a lot less selfish but I've also given up quite a bit of my identity. I've neglected things that used to be important in order to focus on becoming a better parent but it's taken away from who I am as a person. I've sacrificed more than my fair share in order to raise them right and it's changed who I am.

I've lost a lot of my liberal views, I have found a new respect for conservatism. And I want to push it on my daughter. I want to definitely not raise her in my image but I want to hold her to a higher standard. I'm not going to put unrealistic expectations on her shoulders but I will make her strive to live a life far better than I did when I was a young woman.

I've noticed a lot of young girls have lost all respect. Respect for their parents, respect for themselves. I don't want a little girl who grows up to fuck every guy that messages her on facebook. I want her to have a better sense of self so that she can invest in herself, rather than downgrade who she is. I will raise her with a sense of quality assurance because I want her to love her life rather than live with regret and painful mistakes.

I refuse to have a bitchy, 'know it all', 'thinks she's ready for life and knows everything at 16' little brat. lol.

Raising a little girl has been everything I thought it would. She's changed me, and while I've lost a lot of who I am, I still like the person I've become. I feel older, wiser, and I feel so much more respect for what a family is. Being a Mom has been a long hard road to walk but I feel like I've finally achieved what I always wanted to. Purpose, albeit a bit utilitarian..

So anyway. Wish me well when hubby comes home that I can live up to any expectations he may have and that I'm able to surprise and surpass any that I may acquire.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

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Since having a baby, my body confidence is ZERO... so this is what you get. It's been a while.

Check at more at Views from the Backrow.

Monday, October 10, 2011

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Things are okay. Not great, not awful. Just in the middle. I've been living the last year and a half in a weird kind of limbo. Instead of having my husband here in person, I live with his memories and just a voice on the other end of the phone that calls every 3 or 4 weeks.

It's a strange sort of life. And very depressing.

I worry about all sorts of things now that I never worried about before. We had so many issues up until the pregnancy that I swore we weren't going to make it and I wasn't really worried about that. I was just at the point to throw my hands up and walk away. But once I got pregnant with our daughter things changed and we got back into that place we hadn't been in in years.

I totally fell head over heels in love again. The time the military took from us made the heart grow fonder and the excitement over the pregnancy and the promise of a new bouncing baby helped us find that connection we thought was lost.

Now, I'm worried. Will we have anything in common? Will there still be an attraction? Will there be a spark? I admit, my breastfeeding hormones have completely KILLED my sex drive so when I think about my husband during the day, it's never a hormone-filled, sexy thought- it's more the cuddling variety. And that worries me too. When he comes home will I even want to do the deed?

I have a lot of fears thinking about his return which will be here in 2 months. I supposed I have 2 months to prepare and 2 months to hope my sex drive returns. Sex was one of the biggest aspects of our relationship but not having it with him since basically July 2010, we've filled the spaces with other things. I think that's why we were able to reconnect so deeply... but having him home? Sex is kind of required and I'm scared. Will I even enjoy it? Will it be like having sex with a stranger? Awkward?

There's a lot to think about and a lot to prepare for, mentally and physically. I hope 2 months time is enough because once he's home, he's home. I want the homecoming to be as wonderful as it has the potential to be but there's that nagging voice in my head that keeps telling me I'll just make a mess of it. Why can't that voice just shut the Hell up?